Micah was our neighbor for four years from the time he was four years old till he turned eight. His family lived on the other side of our little duplex and he was always around when Josh and I were outside working in the yard. His energy, constant questions and story telling would be entertaining and annoying in turn. One day I was weeding and he came over and asked if he could help. I said if he wanted to pull weeds out of my yard, then by all means, please help. He pulled a couple weeds and then sat down next to me and said, “When I was in my mom’s tummy I could read her mind.”. I smiled and asked him how he remembered being in his mom’s tummy. “I don’t know I just remember swimming in circles a lot.” He just stared at me blankly while I laughed, so I composed myself and asked him how he could read his mom’s mind. “Well,” he said in a matter of fact voice, “I had this cord that came out of my belly button and went all the way up to my mom’s brain. That’s how I read her mind.” I swallowed another laugh to say I wonder what she thought about. “Mostly she thought about me. She loves me.” With that he got up and went back to his house.
Some days I wish I had a brain cord that connected to God and I could say with such confidence, “Mostly He thinks about me. He loves me.” The truth is that most of the time I find myself in a constant state of questioning, doubting, worrying and wondering what the hell is going on in the world and in my life. I live in such an anfractuous state of trying to be thankful and telling myself God loves people, but dealing with the endless injustice I see in the world. I feel tired.
This morning while I was weeding the garden, I thought about Micah’s brain cord theory and smiled. My four-year-old foster son, Isaiah, saw me smile and came over, hugged my leg and said, “I love you Mama B”. At that moment I saw so much to be grateful for and I knew with confidence, God loves me.
Originally written on 6/16/2011