You say you’re not sure if you believe anymore.
You say it’s hard to believe in a God who lets bad things happen.
There’s fatigue in your expression, weariness of fighting with yourself to hold on to a belief that feels empty. How can you believe in goodness, when from the earliest years, your life was wrought with pain?
I don’t know.
I don’t have a theological answer to explain away all the problems in the world and make you believe God is still good. I have doubts too. Every time I watch the news, I struggle to see God’s goodness.
The only thing I know is that God understands pain.
That knowledge lies in the mystery of Jesus as God in human form.
God came to us as one of us. Jesus came not with a crown, but with callused hands, and dusty feet. He was betrayed by one of his closest friends. He was beaten and mocked. He bled. God Bled.
The God who bleeds feels your pain.
Embrace the questions, the doubt and pain. Let go of what you think you know.
Jesus himself cried, “Lord why have you forsaken me?” And then he rose. Death comes before resurrection.
Don’t be afraid. Sometimes we need to experience sorrow in order to fully know joy.
So, question, struggle and wrestle with the emptiness you feel. I pray you won’t give up.
I pray that after a while your faith will rise.